You Can't Live Your Life Around One Band (2012 post)

You Can't Live Your Life Around One Band

16th October 2012

So the other day I was going to Tesco with my Dad to help him do the food shopping and had previously left our sky box to record at the set times that my favourite band: Fearless Vampire Killers (expect me to talk about them a lot throughout my posts) had said that their new video "Exploding Heart Disorder" was going to be aired, however when I went back it seemed that some of my recordings had been cancelled and I'd missed the viewing of the video. I was gutted as I wanted to be one of the first to hear the new song, I asked calmly if any of the recordings I had set had been cancelled and he told me that they hadn't and I was a bit confused, but the main jist I'm trying to get across is the point that he told me "you can't live your life around one band".
Well I think you can and I do, so I'd like to explain a little more about that.

I'd say I'm from a very troubled background, I have no self esteem or confidence in my abilities - I HATE myself with a passion, if I didn't have to be me I honestly wouldn't, photos of me are a no go and it's very rare that I'll find one that I actually like and as for looking in mirrors, I try not to unless I have to.
I was bullied a lot as a child and even now into my teens - they used to involve my family too, more recently someone told me "I don't care that your dad is disabled, I hope he gets cancer and dies a painful death" just hours before I was called a "cretin" and told "I shouldn't own a computer". I have a lisp so saying my name, Samaya, has always been a bit of a challenge for me - that always gave people a reason to target me, as did my weight and just about anything else you can think of. The words said by those people are the ones that stick with you for life. It's never the positive comments you remember, the compliments when people tell you you look nice, or they like your outfit, or you have pretty eyes, those are taken for granted when you have been bullied, you don't believe them and tend to just shrug them off - but all those times that you've been called fat, or ugly, or they've called you salmonella or semolina, told you your useless, worthless even, told you to go shoot yourself and put yourself out of everyone else's misery - that's what sticks with you.
So when I first met Fearless Vampire Killers in Bishop's Stortford at Rhodes Rocks I felt that I needed to talk to them. I'd seen their photo on the flyer and knew that they weren't afraid to be different - I'd listened to Palace in Flames and had decided they were definitely one to look out for. I remember going up to Laurence and saying "Hello, you're from Fearless Vampire Killers aren't you? I need to speak to you."
My friend gave me a look to say you are completely nuts, and I imagine Laurence probably thought the same.. but I wanted to discuss with him the radio project I was and am still involved in. We spoke briefly about that but seemed to find that we had A LOT in common, I really got to understand what the band was about from what he had said and got to understand him as a person pretty well. We'd shared a lot of similar experiences and he had gained my trust pretty quickly, they all had.
I remember waiting outside to talk to the band and my friend was cold so I gave her my hoody to wear (weirdly it's actually the one that I'm wearing as I write this). As the boys were packing away Laurence gave me his jacket to wear to keep me warm as he knew I wanted to talk some more and the boys were going to take a while.
I knew that this band were different and that they were going to change my life.
Year after year, show after show they never fail to amaze me, they've become five of the best friends I could have ever hoped to have and to have shared so many good memories with them and to have been a part of their growth has been amazing.
They've saved me when I've been at my lowest and can read me like a book, which isn't always a good thing but I'm glad someone can.

Without Luke, Drew, Cyrus, Laurence and Kier I wouldn't be here now, so I am living every day to give back even the tiniest percentage of what they have given me... which is understanding, strength, hope, courage, support, love, acceptance and so much more. I've gained friends for life in them and their fans and a little more confidence. I've been able to escape when times are hard be it through going to their shows or putting on the CD and I'm forever learning about myself and other people because of them.

They've shown me so much, and this post is probably completely stupid, but I feel like the band are a part of me. I feel like they're my family and I'm so freakin' honored and proud to be able to say that I have been a part of their journey, and will continue to be (I hope).

I truly believe that music is the medicine and lyrics are the cure to many problems, it can heal, it can open up, it can sooth and it can help to explore emotions. I live my life by music, I live my life for music, I can use my life to make music, I live my life by Fearless Vampire Killers and I don't feel like I should have to apologize for that.